Last updated on September 1st, 2025 at 03:56 pm
The intimate life in a changing Arab world is a subject of immense complexity, often shrouded in a veil of secrecy and public taboo. Shereen El Feki’s landmark book, Sex and the Citadel: Intimate Life in a Changing Arab World, bravely navigates this sensitive landscape.
It is a work that argues that the sexual and the political are deeply intertwined, with the ongoing social and political upheavals in the region directly mirroring the quiet, seismic shifts happening inside the bedroom.
The book’s title itself—with its mention of the citadel—serves as a powerful metaphor for the deeply entrenched, patriarchal fortress of tradition that governs sexual behavior in Arab society. It is a fortress that, in the wake of the Arab Spring and a growing youth population, is finally showing cracks.
In a world where Western media often portrays the Arab region through the narrow lens of conflict and religious extremism, there’s a fundamental aspect of human life that remains hidden: the bedroom. This book dares to pull back the covers and explore the most intimate and personal aspects of a changing society, offering a raw, honest, and often surprising glimpse into the lives of a people on the brink of revolution.
Shereen El Feki’s central thesis is that sexual mores and attitudes in the Arab world are a perfect barometer for understanding the region’s political and social transformation, revealing a deep-seated disconnect between public tradition and private reality.
The book is backed by extensive on-the-ground research, including candid interviews with hundreds of people across the Arab region—from activists and students to sex workers and religious scholars—as well as statistical data and public opinion polls on topics like premarital sex, homosexuality, and female genital mutilation.
Best for / Not for: This book is an essential read for anyone seeking to move beyond Western stereotypes and gain a nuanced understanding of the Arab world and its complex social landscape. It is particularly beneficial for students of sociology, gender studies, and Middle Eastern politics.
However, it is not for those looking for a purely academic treatise, as it leans into a more personal, journalistic style, nor is it for readers who are unwilling to confront uncomfortable and sensitive topics.
Table of Contents
1. Introduction
Title and Author Information: The book, Sex and the Citadel: Intimate Life in a Changing Arab World, was published by Pantheon Books in 2013. Its author, Shereen El Feki, is a multi-talented individual with an unusual background that lends her a unique perspective.
She holds a doctorate in molecular immunology from the University of Cambridge and has also worked as an award-winning journalist for The Economist and as a presenter for Al Jazeera English. This blend of scientific rigor and journalistic curiosity is evident throughout her work.
El Feki’s book is a groundbreaking work of non-fiction, sitting at the intersection of journalism, social science, and memoir. It delves into the most sensitive aspects of Arab life, including premarital sex, extramarital affairs, homosexuality, sex education, and female genital mutilation. It seeks to demystify these topics and present a human face to the statistics and headlines.
Sex and the Citadel‘s release was particularly timely, coinciding with the aftermath of the Arab Spring, a period of widespread political and social change across the Middle East and North Africa.
The central purpose of Sex and the Citadel is to demonstrate how deeply interconnected the private sphere of sexuality and the public sphere of politics are. El Feki argues that a sexual revolution is not only underway but is also a necessary precursor to a political one. By examining sexual attitudes and behaviors, she provides a lens through which to understand the broader social, political, and economic landscape of the region.
The book’s objective is to challenge the widely held belief that sexual repression is inherent to Islam and instead show that it is a product of modern interpretations and societal pressures. El Feki aims to show that for the aspirations of the 2011 uprisings—freedom, dignity, and social justice—to be achieved, attitudes about what happens in the bedroom must change.
2. Summary
The sheer depth and breadth of El Feki’s work are astounding. She organizes her book thematically, with each chapter tackling a different facet of intimate life in the Arab world, primarily focusing on Egypt but with comparisons to other countries like Tunisia, Morocco, and Lebanon. Sex and the Citadel is a rich tapestry of personal anecdotes, interviews, historical context, and compelling statistics.
One of the most striking things about Sex and the Citadel is how it blends the personal with the political, making a seemingly abstract topic deeply relatable.
El Feki uses personal stories and interviews to bring to life the very real struggles and triumphs of individuals. For instance, the discussion of the “prick-and-stick” abortion method is not a sterile report; it is a heartbreaking account of a procedure performed on real women, highlighting the dangerous consequences of sexual taboos.
The book’s themes are both timeless and highly relevant to current events. El Feki’s exploration of the “Citadel,” a metaphor for the institution of marriage, reveals a paradox: while marriage is seen as the only legitimate space for sex, a growing number of young people find it increasingly difficult to access due to economic shifts.
This has led to a burgeoning black market of pre- and extramarital relationships, as well as a rise in temporary marriages and other forms of “sex for sale”.
A large portion of the book is dedicated to the experiences of young, single Arabs navigating this sexual minefield. Sex and the Citadel reveals how a culture of public conservatism and private hypocrisy has created a difficult and often dangerous environment. Young men and women in the Arab world are increasingly educated and exposed to global media, but their personal lives remain governed by a rigid, pre-modern social contract. El Feki explores how this tension manifests in various forms.
For example, she discusses “Urfi” or customary marriages in Egypt, which are short-term, un-registered unions that allow couples to engage in sexual relations while maintaining the appearance of tradition. These arrangements, however, often leave women vulnerable and without legal protection.
She also delves into the booming business of prostitution in the region, including “summer marriages” where wealthy Arab men from the Gulf states travel to countries like Egypt to take temporary wives, often teenage girls from poor families, for a few months.
El Feki handles these topics with a rare blend of journalistic detachment and human empathy, giving a voice to those who are often silenced.
El Feki’s personal background as a half-Egyptian, half-Welsh woman raised in Canada gives her an unparalleled perspective—she is an insider with an outsider’s critical eye.
This dual identity allows her to ask uncomfortable questions and gain access to a wide range of people who would otherwise be reluctant to speak to a Western journalist. She masterfully navigates the contradictions she encounters, such as an LGBTQ+ rights advocate who, despite his activism, is staunchly against same-sex marriage due to his religious beliefs.
This nuance is a hallmark of the book and a testament to its value as an educational tool. El Feki is constantly seeking to understand, not to judge, and this approach allows for a far more insightful exploration of intimate life in a changing Arab world.
Sex and the Citadel also addresses the very real public health consequences of sexual repression. As a former healthcare correspondent and vice-chair of the UN’s Global Commission on HIV and the Law, El Feki is particularly attuned to the issue of HIV/AIDS in the region.
She argues that the taboos around sex and sexuality directly contribute to rising infection rates because they prevent open discussion, proper sex education, and the use of condoms, which are often stigmatized as “Western” and “haram” (forbidden).
El Feki highlights the tragic irony that in a region with one of the fastest rates of new HIV infections, the lack of open discourse is a major stumbling block to addressing the epidemic.
3. Critical Analysis
Evaluation of Content: Shereen El Feki effectively supports her arguments with a wealth of evidence, from personal interviews to statistical data.
She doesn’t just make a claim; she provides a human story to illustrate it, and then backs it up with figures. For example, her discussion of female genital mutilation (FGM) is not just a statistical report—she explains the cultural justifications behind it and the devastating effects on women’s lives.
Her central thesis, that a sexual revolution is a prerequisite for political change, is a powerful and compelling argument that she effectively demonstrates throughout the book. She draws a clear link between a society’s inability to address private, personal freedoms and its struggle to achieve public, political ones.
The book contributes meaningfully to the field by providing a view of the Arab world that is both intimate and politically significant, moving beyond the usual focus on terrorism, war, and political Islam to explore the lives of ordinary people.
Style and Accessibility: El Feki’s writing style is one of the book’s greatest strengths. It is both engaging and highly accessible to a general audience. The prose is clear, and the anecdotes are often captivating and sometimes even humorous, as in her attempt to explain a vibrator to a group of women.
This personal, narrative approach makes a complex and sensitive topic easy to digest. However, as noted by some critics, her constant interjection of herself and her family, while providing a personal touch, can at times feel a bit “grating,” detracting from the stories of her subjects.
The book’s structure is thematic, and while this makes it easy to follow, a few critics have noted that the attempts to connect the social and sexual developments are occasionally “clunky,” and a more scholarly approach could have provided a more thorough treatment.
Themes and Relevance: The themes El Feki explores are profoundly relevant to current issues. The book provides a powerful counter-narrative to the simplistic, often prejudiced, depictions of the Arab world in Western media.
It challenges the stereotype of the oppressed, submissive Arab woman and the domineering, sexually repressed Arab man. Instead, El Feki presents a picture of a society struggling with a modernizing world and a deep-seated desire for personal freedom.
The book’s relevance extends beyond the Arab world, as its central argument about the link between sexual liberation and political freedom can be applied to many other societies grappling with similar issues.
Author’s Authority: Shereen El Feki is uniquely qualified to write this book. Her background as a Canadian-Egyptian Muslim, combined with her training as an immunologist and her experience as a journalist, gives her a rare blend of scientific objectivity and cultural empathy.
She is both an insider and an outsider, a position that allows her to gain a level of trust with her subjects that few others could.
While some critics have questioned her “gaze” as a Western-educated academic, and her failure to fully unpack her own privileges, her authority on the subject is undeniable. Her work with the UN’s Global Commission on HIV and the Law also demonstrates her deep understanding of the public health implications of the issues she discusses.
4. Strengths and Weaknesses
(My pleasant/positive and unpleasant/negative experience with book)
As a reader, my experience with Sex and the Citadel was overwhelmingly positive. The most compelling aspect of the book is its ability to humanize a subject that is often sensationalized or reduced to political talking points.
El Feki’s interviews are the heart of the book, giving voice to a diverse range of people and showing the nuances of their beliefs and behaviors.
The personal anecdotes, like her grandmother’s folk wisdom, or her own encounters in the field, create an intimate and relatable narrative. I found it innovative how she uses sexuality as a “lens” to examine broader societal issues, proving her argument that the bedroom is a powerful reflection of a society’s health and political climate.
The statistical information and historical context are woven in seamlessly, making the book both informative and highly readable. It is a work that sparks both intellectual curiosity and emotional connection.
However, I did find a few shortcomings. As noted by some reviewers, El Feki’s constant presence in the narrative, while intended to be a strength, can sometimes feel like a distraction. While her dual identity is crucial to the book’s success, a more objective distance could have allowed her subjects’ stories to take center stage.
I also felt that while the book provides a compelling snapshot of Egypt, its reach to other Arab countries, while mentioned, felt less deep, making the title’s “Changing Arab World” a bit of a generalization in some parts. For example, while she mentions Lebanon as being more sexually liberal and the Gulf states as being more repressive, these are broad statements without the same depth of personal testimony found in her discussion of Egypt.
5. Reception/Criticism/Influence
Sex and the Citadel was met with a largely positive reception, winning a number of awards and being featured as a BBC series. Critics widely praised El Feki’s courage in tackling such a sensitive subject and for her unique, multi-faceted approach. The Guardian called it an “intriguing question” and noted that El Feki’s “western-educated female Muslim” position gave the book an “invaluable perspective”.
The book’s influence has been significant, bringing a long-overdue public discussion to the topics of sexuality and gender in the Middle East.
It has become a reference point for journalists, academics, and activists seeking to understand the socio-political dynamics of the region. However, there has been some criticism. Some reviewers found it a “depressing read” due to its unremitting cataloging of mistreatment and alarming statistics.
Others have criticized its lack of a “thoroughgoing scholarly treatment,” arguing that it leans more toward journalism than deep academic analysis. The book’s focus on Egypt has also been a point of critique, with some feeling it doesn’t fully live up to the promise of covering the entire “Arab world”.
6. Quotations
- “The citadel is marriage, the only acceptable place for sex to occur… it is a place many are desperate to be part of, yet a growing number of people no longer fit into this institution.”
- “Since the uprising, Cairo has become a vast billboard for human rights. ‘Freedom’, ‘justice’ and ‘dignity’ are just a few of the catchwords in the graffiti wallpapering the city. But extending these same rights to the sexual lives of all citizens is another matter entirely.”
- “If you really want to know a people, start by looking inside their bedrooms.”
- “Sexuality is much more complex than political lives.”
7. Comparison with similar other works
While there are many books that deal with the politics and social issues of the Middle East, few have the intimacy and focus of Sex and the Citadel. It can be compared to works like Leila Ahmed’s A Quiet Revolution: The Veil’s Resurgence, from the Middle East to America, which also challenges Western perceptions by focusing on the complex and personal decisions of Muslim women.
Similarly, Mona Eltahawy’s Headscarves and Hymens tackles the oppression of women in the Arab world, but from a more polemical and confrontational stance. El Feki’s work, in contrast, is more observational and exploratory.
While Eltahawy’s work is a powerful call to arms, El Feki’s is a nuanced conversation. Her book also stands apart from the genre of books on Islamic eroticism, such as Nawal El Saadawi’s The Fall of the Imam, as it is a work of journalism and sociology, not fiction or history, and focuses on the contemporary reality of the region. El Feki’s work is unique in its deliberate fusion of the personal and the political, using sexuality not as a topic in isolation, but as a lens to view the larger picture.
8. Conclusion
Sex and the Citadel is an indispensable book for anyone seeking to understand the complex realities of the intimate life in a changing Arab world. El Feki successfully makes the case that a sexual revolution is not only happening but is a vital, necessary part of the broader political and social transformation in the region.
The book’s strengths lie in its humanistic approach, candid interviews, and powerful central thesis.
It is a work that breaks down stereotypes and offers a deeply nuanced look at a society in flux. While some may find its journalistic style less academic or its focus a little narrow, these are minor critiques of a truly groundbreaking work.
Ultimately, I wholeheartedly recommend this book to a broad audience, from general readers to students and specialists. It provides an insightful and accessible entry point into understanding the deep-seated issues facing the Arab world. It is a work that will challenge your assumptions, broaden your understanding, and leave you with a more empathetic perspective on a region often misunderstood. This is more than just a book about sex; it is a book about freedom, dignity, and the universal human struggle for self-determination.
